Heroes vs. Villains/Transcript
This is the episode script for Connor Lacey's Super Adventures of Total Drama All-Stars. (Fade to inside a prison, CHEF HATCHET and a guard walking past a row of prison cells, Chef is carrying a manila folder. Chef walks past 2 cells containing a one-eyed prisoner and what looks like the Insane Psycho Killer with a Hook) Psycho Killer: I’M INNOCENT I TELL YA! INNOCENT!!! (The one-eyed prisoner makes kissy faces at Chef and the Guard. Chef’s face grows increasingly concerned when he hears a familiar voice) Voice: (Off-screen) And the Crusty Cockroaches have a big lead over the Soiled Stinkbugs! Prisoner: (Off-screen) Cram it, McLean! (Psychotic laughter) (Pan over to reveal none other that CHRIS MCLEAN, wearing an orange jumpsuit locked behind a glass door in a highly secured cell familiar looking map of Camp Wawanakwa hanging on the wall, overlooking two bugs staring at each other) Chris: Lightning slips past Duncan, and the heat is on! Yeah, look at that! That's what I'm talking about! (Finally notices Chef, glaring at him) Well, well, well, look who finally came to visit me after a whole year. Chef: C'mon. You've finished your sentence for dumping toxic waste. Chris: (Pouting) Whatever, think I'll stay right here; got everything I need. Including (Pulls out a cashew nut with a drawing of Chef’s face on it) Chef 2.0! I made him from a cashew. (Chef slips the manila folder through the slot into Chris’ cell; Chris grabs it suspiciously) What's this? Chef: Yo contract. The Producers green lit another season, so you in? Chris: (Smiles) it is on! (Chris’ smile twinkles) (Opening theme begins and ends) (Zoom in to Camp Wawanakwa, cut to Chris on the still rickety Dock of Shame) Chris: Welcome to Connor Lacey's Super Adventures of Total Drama All-Stars. After my involuntary yearlong vacation... I really need to be in a familiar environment, surrounded by the people I love ...to hurt. (Evil laugh) It's a condition of my parole. Except for the hurt part, eh, that's all McLean! (Strolls down to the edge of the dock, where the Drama Machine from season 3 is waiting, along with a familiar briefcase) So, I'm bringing back 14 TD All-Stars to battle it out in the most dangerous, death-defying, One Million Dollar competition, ever! (The robot holds up the open case, where the wind blows a few bills away. Chris then addresses an incoming helicopter) and here they are now! From Revenge of The Island, Say hello to... (The door to the chopper reveals an apprehensive looking MIKE) Chris: -Multiple Mike! (A hand shoves Mike off the chopper) AKA, Chester, (Mike gasps, switching personalities) –Svetlana (He gasps, switching personalities again) Vito, (His hair slicks back and his eyes narrow) and Manitoba. (Mike seemingly reverts to normal, though Manitoba's scream of “Crikey!” gives him away. He splashes into the water) Mike's crush, pushover turned powerhouse, Zoey. (ZOEY looks worried for Mike) Zoey: Huh, Mike! (Dives) Chris: Athletic non-supporter, Lightning! (LIGHTNING, with his hair still white, looks down at Zoey) Lightning: You call that a dive? Watch this! (Prepares to dive) Sha-ugh! (Gets booted off by Chef’s foot) Chris: Bubble-Boy brainiac, Cameron. (Chef holds CAMERON by his hoodie) Cameron: This is highly illogical! (Chef tosses Cameron out the door) Chris: The tip-top techno alien user, Ireland Rebel X! (Whispers) Alias, Connor Lacey. Ireland Rebel X: Ireland Rebels, assemble! Chris: The Decepticon-slash-Legion of Cartoon Villains leader, Galvatron! Galvatron (G1): Legionnaires, prepare for our next competition. The Legion of Cartoon Villains: Yes, sir! (The Legion of Cartoon Villains followed Galvatron (G1) down) Chris: Galvatron's partners in the series, Lokar, Team Radikor, Team Imperiaz, Team Battacor, Team Hiverax, Granny Goodness, the Female Furies, Eclipso, Dark Opal, Lena Luthor and Brainiac! Lokar: Bring it on. Granny Goodness: Right behind ya! Chris: Ireland Rebel X's teammates, the Ireland Rebel Alliance! Skurd, Lightning McQueen, Mater, Guido, Luigi, Sheriff, Fillmore, Sarge, Lizzie, Sally, Flo, Ramone, Red, Finn McMissile, Holley Shiftwell, Cruz Ramirez, Carter Grayson, Chad Lee, Joel Rawlings, Kelsey Winslow, Dana Mitchell, Ryan Mitchell, Casey Rhodes, Theo Martin, Lily Chilman, Robert James (R.J.), Dominic Hargan, Jarrod, Camille, Whiger, Troy Burrows, Emma Goodall, Jake Holling, Gia Moran, Noah Carver, Robo Knight, Orion, Jayden Shiba, Kevin Douglas, Mia Watanabe, Mike Fernandez, Emily Michaels, Antonio Garcia, Lauren Shiba, Scott Truman, Flynn McAllistair, Summer Landsdown, Ziggy Grover, Dillon, Gem, Gemma, Cheetor, Rattrap, Rhinox, Dinobot, Tigatron, Airazor, Silverbolt, Blackarachnia, Depth Charge, Nightscream, Botanica, Optimus Prime 1, Ultra Magnus 1, T-AI, Prowl, Side Burn, X-Brawn, The Emissary, Cerebros, Rail Racer, Railspike, Rapid Run, Midnight Express, Hot Shot, R.E.V., Crosswise, W.A.R.S., Ironhide, Mirage, Landfill, Wedge, Heavy Load, Hightower, Grimlock 1, Skid-Z, Tow-Line, Sari Sumdac, Bumblebee, Sideswipe, Strongarm, Grimlock 2, Fixit, Drift, Jetstorm, Slipstream, Ratchet, Undertone, Windblade, Jazz, Bulkhead, Arcee, Optimus Prime 2, Smokescreen, Wheeljack, Ultra Magnus 2, Chief Charlie Burns, Chase, Kade Burns, Heatwave, Dani Burns, Blades, Graham Burns, Woody Burns, Salvage, Blurr, Quickshadow, Doc Green, Frankie Green, Aerobolt, Bashbreaker, Buzzstrike, Lancelon, Sawtooth, Tricerashot, Windstrike, Mewtwo, Genie, Good Fairy, Stay Puft, Slimer, C-3PO and R2-D2, Zilla, Aisling, Darth Vader and Boba Fett, Rocky and Bullwinkle, Jack Skellington and Zero, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Splinter, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Lady Palutena, Pit, Ninjor, Robo Knight, Ahsoka Tano, Captain Rex, Clone Troopers, Zordon and Alpha 5, Red Genesect, The Ghostbusters, Shenron, Marcus Damon, Agumon, Thomas, Gaomon, Yoshi, Lalamon, Keenan Crier, Falcomon, N, Anthea and Concordia, Spider-Man, Black Cat, Chaos, Tikal the Echidna, The Newtralizer, Moonlight Shimmer, Godzilla, the Teen Titans, Buzzie, Flaps, Dizzy, and Ziggy The Vultures, Jiminy Cricket, Zazu, Kronk Pepikrankenitz, Zhane, Jean-Bob, Speed, Puffin, Jeremy the Crow, Karone, Barry Allen alias The Flash, Mushu, Cri-Kee,Tahu, Gali, Lewa, Onua, Pohatu, Kopaka, Mata Nui, Vakama, Nokama, Matau, Whenua, Onewa, Nuju, Jaller, Hahli, Kongu, Matoro, Hewkii, Nuparu, Acker, Kiina, Gresh, Berix, Tarix, Vastus, Dora the Explorer, Boots the Monkey, Kate, Emma, Naiya, Alana, Pablo, Diego, Baby Jaguar, Alicia, the Bubble Guppies, Team Umizoomi, Shimmer, Shine, Brody Romero, Preston Tien, Calvin Maxwell, Hayley Roster, Sarah Thompson, Aiden Romero, Dane Romero, Mick Kanic, Princess Viera, Lugia, Entei, Celebi, Suicune, Raikou, Latios, Latias, Jirachi, Lucario, Manaphy, Darkrai, Shaymin, Zorua, Zoroark, Victini, Keldeo, Cobalion, Virizion, Terrakion, Red Genesect, Diancie, Hoopa, Volcanion, Magearna, Apple White, Briar Beauty, Blondie Locks, Ashlynn Ella, Raven Queen, Cedar Wood, Cerise Hood, Madeline Hatter, Connor, Abby, Chip, Mong, Hela Nemo, Professor Nemo, Cubix, Dondon, Cerebix, Maximix, Kan-it, Diagnostix, Mr. Fixit, James Rogers, Henry Pym, Jr., Torunn, Azari, Francis Barton (Hawkeye II), Brain and Scamper, Mack Hartford, Will Aston, Dax Lo, Ronny Robinson, Rose Ortiz, Tyzonn, Human Applejack, Human Fulttershy, Human Pinkie Pie, Human Rarity, Human Rainbow Dash, Korra, Mako, Bolin, Asami Sato, Aisling, Shenron, Marinette Dupain-Cheng/Ladybug, Adrien Agreste/Cat Noir, Elsa the Snow Queen, Joanna the Goanna, Samurai Jack, Ashi, Iago, Kai, Cole, Jay, Zane, Nya, Lloyd Garmadon, Sensei Wu, P.I.X.A.L., Draculaura, Frankie Stein, Clawdeen Wolf, Cleo de Nile, Deuce Gorgan, Ghoulia Yelps, Lagoona Blue, Abbey Bominable, Supergirl, Batgirl, Wonder Woman, Bumblebee of Super Hero High, Katana, Poison Ivy of Super Hero High, Harley Quinn of Super Hero High, Starfire of Super Hero High, Frost, Hawkgirl, Miss Martian, Catwoman of Super Hero High, Lady Shiva, Cheetah of Super Hero High, Star Sapphire, Platinum of Super Hero High, Cyborg of Super Hero High, Hal Jordan, Beast Boy of Super Hero High, Ky Stax, Maya, Boomer, Jeremy Belpois, Ulrich Stern, Odd Della Robbia, Yumi Ishiyama, Aelita Schaeffer, Will Vandom, Irma Lair, Taranee Cook, Cornelia Hale, Hay Lin, Caleb, Blunk and Napoleon the Cat. Platinum (DCSHG): Lyoko Warriors and Team W.I.T.C.H., welcome to Total Drama! Aelita Schaeffer: Whoa! (The Ireland Rebel Alliance fall down) Chris: The former leader of the Decepticons, the leader of the Reform Squad and Optimus Prime's brother, Megatron! Megatron (Prime): All right, Reform Squad. Let's reform some new arrivals! Chris: And, his Reform Squad! The Reform Squad: Yes sir! Chris: The leader of the Autobots and the Legion of Cartoon Heroes, Optimus Prime! Optimus Prime (G1): Legion of Cartoon Heroes, roll out! The Legion of Cartoon Heroes: Yes, sir! Chris: The Ghostboy of Amity Park, Danny Fenton/Phantom! Danny Fenton: Going ghost! (changes to Danny Phantom and flies out) Chris: The group of tiny heroes, the Mini Force Rangers! Volt, Sammy, Max and Lucy! Volt: Mini Force, transform! The Mini Force Rangers: Transform! (They changed and went down to the water) Chris: The overconfident Next Gen racer, Jackson Storm! Jackson Storm: It's time for the next generation to rise! Chris: The enemy of the Mini Force Rangers, Pascal! Pascal (Miniforce): You're going down, Miniforce! Chris: The new members of the Rebel Alliance, the Freemakers! Rowan Freemaker: It's time for the Freemakers to build again! Kordi Freemaker: Wait for us! Zander Freemaker: Zander Freemaker, superstar diving guy! RO-GR (Roger): Wait for me! Chris: The Sith enemy of the Freemakers, Naare! Naare: Payback time. Chris: Next, I give to you a pair of Turbo team, Max and his partner Steel! Max (Max Steel): Let's go Turbo! Chris: The old enemy of Max's father Ax Steel himself, Makino! Makino: The world will be mine! Chris Mclean: The arch-enemy of Cubix, Kilobot! Kilobot: I'm ready for battle! Chris McLean: The Beyblading Villain All-Stars: Team Star Breaker, Team Psykick, Team Garcias, Shadow Bladers, Team Cyber, Ryan Gladstone, Nemesis Bladers and Nemesis! Beyblading Villain All-Stars screams Chris McLean: The enemy of Ladybug and Cat Noir, Hawk Moth! Hawk Moth: Time to cease the Miraculous! Chris: The group of heroes, it's Team Go Go! Tyee: Okay! Chris: The enemies of Team Go Go and the controller of the Jinlins, Mo Yan and Team Wo-Fat! Mo Yan: I just know that I'm going to get the Legendary Jinlin. Chris: Arias mutant loving gamer, Sam. Sam: Not cool! Chris: Two Toxic Mutants, Bigs and Bluefur! Bigs: Ready? Bluefur: Ready! Chris: A group of toxic heroes, the Toxic Crusaders! The Toxic Avenger: Let's do it, gang! Toxic Crusaders: Yes, sir! Chris: Challenge throwing dirt farmer, Scott! (SCOTT out of the trauma chair from season 4 clings to Chef’s leg in fear. Until Chef pries him off and tosses him out. Chef walks back and grabs JO) Chris: Bossy bruiser, Jo, who dominated until her underling turned on her. (JO resists Chef shoving her out, and shoves him back) Jo: You're a dead man, McLean! (Chef body-slams her off the copter) (Chris chuckles) Chris: And, from the original cast... Cranky know-it-all CIT, Courtney! (Chef walks out, carrying COURTNEY by her ankle) Courtney: This is not in my contract! (Chef glares and drops Courtney) Chris: Courtney's bestie turned boyfriend stealer, Gwen! (Chef carries GWEN over his shoulders, tosses her down too) Gwen: (Free-falling) He said he wasn't her boyfriend at the tiiime! Chris: Broody bad boy, Duncan. Duncan: (Free-falling, not even looking like he cares) Bring it on! Chris: Devious Diva, Heather! Heather: (Free-falling) I hate Chriiiis! Chris: The baddies of Monster High, Moanica D'Kay, Nefera de Nile, Van Hellscream, Valetine, Bartleby Farnum, Rocco, Lilith Van Hellscream, Moanatella Ghostier, Djinni "Whisp" Grant, Lord Stoker and Revenant! Moanica D'Kay: Time to cause trouble. Chris: The perfect singing man, the Music Meister! The Music Meister: (Vocalising) Chris: The friends of Connor Lacey and Frankie Stein, Jackson Jekyll/Holt Hyde, Spectra Vondergeist, Toralei Stripe, Clawd Wolf, Operetta, Heath Burns, Robecca Steam, Rochelle Goyle, Venus McFlytrap, Gigi Grant, Twyla, Skelita Calavaras, Jinafire Long, and the rest of the Monster High teens. Jinafire Long: Hold on to your hats! Chris: The sonic screaming singer, Black Canary! Black Canary: I'm back. Chris: Chris: Loveable lamebrain, Lindsay. Lindsay: (Free-falling, flapping her arms) I'm flying! (Stops flapping and screams) Chris: Super fan, Sierra! Total Drama's number one stalker- Uh, blogger! Sierra: For Cody! (Cannonballs, sending the other contestants scattering, and causing a slightly less massive splash) Chris: (with a more malicious grin) Feral freakshow, Ezekiel! (Chef drops a still green and snarling EZEKIEL by his hoodie) Contestants: What? (Lightning says it late) (Ezekiel plummets, but is then grabbed by a plunger) Chris: (laughing) Kidding! (The robot retracts the plunger) No way is that guy coming back again. (Snaps his fingers, causing the robot to fire off the plunger, Ezekiel screaming as he is rocketed to the other side of the island) Chris: (sighs happily) Man, it's great to be back! (Cut to the coast of the beach, everyone washed up on shore groaning in pain) Chris: (Walks along the beach, the robot wheeling behind him) Greetings, old friends. Heather: (coughs up a starfish, throws it away) I am not your friend! Lindsay: Aw, somebody misses her Hunny-Bunny! (Hugging Heather’s head) Heather: Who, Alejandro? As if! (Shoves Lindsay off) I'm glad he isn't back, that handsome jerk. Duncan: yeah, whatever you say, “Hunny-bunny.” (He and Gwen snicker, Courtney glaring at them) Courtney: (Now glaring at Chris) You're gonna pay for my dry cleaning. Chris: No I'm not; new contracts, 'member? (Confessional: Courtney) Courtney: Same old Chris, same old disgusting island. (Flicks a fly out of her way) What was I thinking? (Confessional ends) Chris: In fact, we've got a lot of big changes for this season. For one, the island is now 100% toxic waste free! Sam: What? I only came back here to get up close and personal with some toxic goop. So, I can become a kick-butt mutant like my gal, Dakota. Chris: Gee, too bad. Guess it's gonna be all pain no gain for you, huh? (Chuckles) (He and the robot move to a large TV screen) On the upside, I've upgraded the accommodations. (The TV shows one of the normal cabins) This season, the losers still have to sleep in the old cabins. (The campers moan) but, on the plus side, breakfast will be delivered to said cabin personally specially prepared by Chef! (Owen screams in terror and passes out. The TV then reveals a larger and nicer hotel) But, the winners get to stay in the all-new, eco-friendly McLean Spa Hotel! Complete with butler, hot tub, and 24 hour masseuse. (Mike, Cameron, Scott, and Heather cheer) And in honor of your All-Star status, I'm dividing you into teams based on your past performances: (Grins) Heroes vs. Villains. (Confessional: Heather) Heather: Obviously I'll be on the villain’s team. And I'll be running it by lunch. (Confessional: Gwen) Gwen: Heroes vs. Villains? (Sighs) Guess Duncan and I won't be on the same team, unless Chris considers Duncan a hero. (Chuckles) Yeah right. (Confessional ends) Chris: The Legion of Cartoon Villains, Lokar, Team Radikor, Team Imperiaz, Team Battacor, Team Hiverax, Granny Goodness, the Female Furies, Eclipso, Dark Opal, Lena Luthor, Brainiac, Naare, the Beyblading Villain All-Stars, Kilobot, Hawk Moth, Moanica D'Kay, Nefera de Nile, Van Hellscream, Valetine, Bartleby Farnum, Rocco, Lilith Van Hellscream, Moanatella Ghostier, Djinni "Whisp" Grant, Lord Stoker, Revenant, The Music Meister, Bigs, Bluefur, Pascal, Vlad Plasmius, Jackson Storm, Makino, Mo Yan, Team Wo-Fat, Heather, Duncan, Lightning, Jo, Scott, and Gwen. (The robot tosses Gwen by Duncan) From now on, you're the Villainous Vultures! Lightning: (Cheering) Sha-team! Gwen: (In shock) What? Why am I on the villains’ team? Courtney: (Glaring, standing tall) Because you stole my boyfriend and became the new Heather! Chris: (Smirks) Yeah, what she said. Galvatron (G1): Well, I guess you'll have to do, for now. Villains: Agreed! Gwen: But I've done so many good things! I'm not a villain; I'm nice! Duncan: (Puts his hand on her shoulder) Being bad is cool! And now we're on the same team, so that's good, right? Gwen: (Slumps over) I guess... (Confessional: Duncan) Duncan: (Moaning) Oh man, I only came back for Gwen! She better not sulk the whole time, or I might as well be dating Courtney. (Shivers) yeah right. (Confessional: Gwen) Gwen: (Sighs) Honestly, I’m happy that Duncan and I are on the same team, really I am! He’s been nothing but great to me since the kiss in London. I just wish it didn’t mean labeling me as a villain! I mean ok I haven’t always had the best attitude but really, who would you rather be caught in an alley with, Heather or me? (Confessional ends) Chris: Ireland Rebel X, the Ireland Rebel Alliance, the Legion of Cartoon Heroes, the Reform Squad, Rowan Freemaker, Kordi Freemaker, Zander Freemaker, RO-GR (Roger), the Monster High students, Black Canary, the Toxic Crusaders, The Mini Force Rangers, Max, Steel, Team Go Go, Danny Phantom, Mike, Zoey, Cameron, Sam, Courtney, Lindsay, and Sierra, (The robot wheels Sierra over to the heroes) you're the Heroic Hamsters! Courtney: Excuse me, how are hamsters heroic? Chris: It was that, or the Heroic Hippos. Courtney: (Defensively) Hamsters it is! Jo: Wait a minute; they have 7 people to our 6! No fair! Chris: I needed the seat on the plane for that Ezekiel prank! (Jo glares at him) Fine, you can have the robot. (Pushes a button on the remote, sending the robot wheeling and beeping over to the villains) Scott: I thought your robot could talk. Chris: (shrugged) Meh, the communications chip cracked while I was in the hooskow. Lindsay: (To Sierra) Was that English? (The robot wheels over to Heather) Heather: (Pushing the robot away) Keep your distance, toaster! (Confessional: Heather) Heather: (Shuddering) Ugh, there is something about that robot I just don't like! (Confessional: Big Barda) Big Barda: When that robot walked up to Heather, I could tell there's something familiar about it. As if that robot is really someone we faced in World-Tour. But, it couldn't be. Or could it? (Confessional ends) Chris: (Standing by the TV) This year's challenges all nod to classics from the past, but with harsh new twists to make this the toughest Total Drama challenge ever! Your first challenge? Find the key to the spa hotel, and you'll do it in a homage to Total Drama's first ever challenge. Cliff diving into water infested with ravenous sharks! (Scott gulps) (Confessional: Scott) Scott: (In a fetal position, shaking in fear) Ooh... Ok, so maybe I have a phobia of sh-sh-sharks... Can you blame me? (Confessional ends) Chris: (Motions to the monitor, as Chef kicks an intern off the cliff, sending him into the lake, swimming to grab the key, and making it back to the hotel) Once you dive into the water, try to avoid the sharks long enough to snag a key. And, choose wisely. Only one of those suckers is the real deal. Assuming you live long enough to reach dry land, a teammate will drive you to the hotel in one of the baby carriages from Season 3's 'Race Through Central Park'. (Walks over to a buggy driven by an intern, jumps in as the intern starts the buggy) First team to unlock the spa door wins. And, someone from team loser will be going home tonight. Meet me at the base of the cliff in fifteen minutes. Chop, chop! (The buggy drives off) Mike: (Calling out) Wait, shouldn't we change into our swimsuits or something first? Chris: (Shouting back) Sorry, no time! (Cut to the teams walking through the woods, the heroes ahead of the villains, and the robot tagging alongside Heather) Heather: Ugh, I said, keep away from me! Danny Fenton: Whoa! It's nice to meet the legendary Ireland Rebel Alliance. Sammy: I agree. Sam: So, Sierra, what brought you back? Sierra: Well, I wanna win for Cody! We would have won last time, if I didn't accidentally blow up the plane... (Rubs her arm sheepishly) Sam: (awkwardly) Oh yeah… well your hair grew back nicely. Sierra: Thanks! It's tough to be apart from my man, but it's too dangerous for him here! (Confidently) And I'm sure I can handle it long enough to win the million! (Confessional: Sierra) Sierra: (Trying not to sob) I miss my Cody-bear... (She puts her head in her hands) So much! (Confessional ends) Heather: (shoving Jo out of her way) Excuse me! Jo: Watch it, Old Heather! Heather: You watch it, Newbie. Galvatron (G1): Will you two stop arguing? Gwen: Ugh, guys; just because Chris labeled us villains, doesn't mean we have to act like villains. We're a team; we should work together as a team! (The villains all give agreeing responses) (Confessional: Heather) Heather: (Scoffs) no way is that going to happen. I- (Confessional: Jo) Jo: Don't trust- (Confessional: Duncan) Duncan: (Pointing to the camera) Anyone- (Confessional: Scott) Scott: On this- (Confessional: The Robot) (The Robot just beeps twice) (Confessional: Lightning) Lightning: Team! (Confessional: Galvatron (G1) Galvatron (G1): But, when- (Confessional: Lashina) Lashina: It comes- (Confessional: Zane Radikor) Zane Radikor: to getting- (Confessional: Naare) Naare: Revenge- (Confessional: Lord Stoker) Lord Stoker: On- (Confessional: The Music Meister) The Music Meister: Ireland Rebel X- (Confessional: Bluefur) Bluefur: And, his friends- (Confessional: Wo-Fat) Wo-Fat: Then, so be it. (Confessional: Gwen) Gwen: (Smiling) Huh, I think that went well. (The screen splits to reveal all of them laughing, the villains (excluding Gwen) with fire behind them) (Confessional ends) Gwen: (Notices Courtney glaring at her) Ugh, Courtney keeps glaring at me like she's trying to set me on fire! Duncan: (Smirks) I'll give her a glare back for ya. (Glares back at Courtney, who just turns away) Uh hello? Courtney? (Looks concerned, rubbing the back of his head) Hey? (Confessional: Duncan) Duncan: Uh, I'm used to having girls yell at me, even punch me, but blank me? That-that's just wrong! How am I supposed to mess with her for messing with Gwen if she ignores me messing with her?! (Realizes what he just said) Pfft- I mean, whatever. (Confessional ends) Lindsay: (Whispers to Courtney) Psst, I think Duncan wants you to yell at him, y'know, for old times' sake. Courtney: What's the point, he never listens. Besides, it's over between us. He's a bad boy; I knew it couldn't last forever. But Gwen, I thought we were friends. (Sighs) Last time I make that mistake. Lindsay: (Gasps. Stops and shakes Courtney) you know how to stop making mistakes? Teach me! (The campers are now all lined up on a beach, the villains standing in front of a red baby stroller, the heroes in front of a yellow stroller) Chris: (Flies in from his jetpack, laughing) greetings, All-Stars! (The jetpack blows sand in everyone’s faces, making them wince and cough. Chris lands in between the strollers) Here are your carriages: blood red for the Villainous Vultures, and purest gold for the Heroic Hamsters. You've got thirty seconds to pick your carriage drivers. Starting... Now! Mater: Me, me! I'll do it! Ireland Rebel X: Okay, Mater! So much better than a person with hands! Courtney: That way, it would be more quicker. Scott: (Grabs onto the bar of the Villains’ carriage) I’ll drive! Jo: (Grabs onto the bar of the Villains’ carriage) No, I’ll drive! Lightning: Sha-please! You're the slowest go-kart driver ever! Jo: but I'm also the shopping cart racing circuit champion! (Confessional: Jo) Jo: (Smirking) No I'm not. I just said that because- (Confessional: Lightning) Lightning: Gotta respect championship status. Jo drives. (Confessional ends) (Lightning carries Scott away on his shoulders) Scott: aw c’mon!! Gwen: (Walks to Jo) But, Jo, wouldn't you make a better diver since you're so athletic? Jo: Nobody tells me what to do, Gothball! And don't even try to kiss me. Gwen: (Gasps) what?! (Confessional: Gwen) Gwen: After three seasons of kindness, I'm reduced to evil kisser status? For the last time, Duncan and Courtney were over before he and I started! …Well Duncan thought they were over anyway. Point is you can't steal a boyfriend if the boy is free! (Confessional ends) Chris: (Looking towards the Heroes) Ten seconds! Cameron: (To Zoey) You can do it. Zoey: (To Mike) Maybe you should do it. Lightning McQueen: (sighs) I'll do it. Courtney: Ugh, Lindsay will do it! (Shoves Lindsay into the carriage, where Lindsay falls in face first) Chris: Ok, everyone but Jo and Lindsay, up the cliff you go! (Points towards the cliff) (Cut to the top of the hill, where Chris is somehow waiting for them as they arrive out of breath) Lightning: Sha-first! (Slides into view, not even winded, everyone else following behind him) (Suddenly, a familiar mutated shark, FANG, emerges from the water, as 2 unmutated sharks circle around him, waving at the contestants above with an evil smirk) Scott/Zoey/Mike: (In horror) Fang! Gwen: (Peeking over) Who? Danny Fenton: Chris' mutant shark from season four! Chris: Places people! It's diving time! Scott: (Shoves Heather in front, laughing nervously) A-after you, I insist! Chris: (Holding his air horn) One diver per team at a time. The next diver has to wait until their team’s carriage returns. Ready, set- (Blows the airhorn) Lightning: Woohoo, Lightning Strikes! (Cannonballs off the cliff, followed by Courtney who leaps off shrieking) Duncan: (Amazed) wow, Courtney actually made the jump? …didn’t think she had it in her. Lightning: (Punches Fang in the nose) Sha-bang! (Courtney splashing down after him. Lightning re-emerges with a key) Sha-score! (Then front-flips into Jo’s carriage) Jo: Yes! (Starts running off with the carriage) So long, suckers! Chris: And the villains take the lead! (Courtney swims furiously, passing a sniveling Fang being comforted by the other two sharks) Courtney: (Jumps into Lindsay’s carriage holding a key) Go, go, GO! Lindsay: (In confusion) Which way is the hotel again? Courtney: (Groans) never mind, I'll do it! Chris: (flies in on his jetpack) Up-pup-up-up, no tradesies! Gotta stick to your designated driver! Courtney: Fine, just push! Lindsay: Okay... how do you push again? (Courtney screams in frustration) (Cut to Jo jogging while pushing Lightning through the woods) Jo: (Staring daggers at Lightning) Listen, you don't like me, and I really don't like you. Lightning: (Smirking) What's not to like? (Kisses his bicep) Jo: You're kidding, right? Point is, we're the strongest members of our team, agree to stay out of each other's way until the teams merge? Lightning: cool. But then it's every champ for himself. Starting with number one, and that's me. Jo: (Rolls her eyes in annoyance) Yeah, yeah. (They arrive at the hotel; Lightning jumps out and shoves the key in the hole, which refuses to budge) Lightning: (Growling) C'mon key, get in the lock! Jo: (Arms crossed in annoyance) It doesn't fit because it's the wrong key, Brightning! (Just as Jo and Lightning leave, Lindsay and Courtney arrive. Courtney jams the key into the lock) Courtney: Ugh, wrong key! (Tosses the key on the ground) Lindsay: (Clapping her hands in oblivious delight) Ooh, maybe they left a window open? (Cut back to the cliff, Duncan and Gwen are waiting for Jo) Duncan: (Shouting below) C'mon, c'mon! Sierra: (Walking up to Gwen and Duncan, oblivious to their annoyance) Y'know, a lot of my blog readers were mad about you guys hooking up, but I get it. Love is love! Just like me, and my Cody-Wody! Gwen: (Rolled her eyes) Yeah, we're just like you guys. Duncan: except a whole lot better looking. (He and Gwen smile at each other) Zoey: well I think you guys are cute together. Duncan: (Growls) don’t call us cute! Alright? (Notices Jo) Here comes Jo! How bout a kiss for luck? (Smirks, puckering his lips) Gwen: (Shrugs) oh why not? (Gwen and Duncan’s lips connect, Gwen suddenly notices Sierra staring at them, pulling out a pink Smartphone. Gwen pulls her lips away) Uh, no time! (Shoves Duncan away) Duncan: Woah-oh-oh-aaah! (Loses his balance and plunges off the cliff) Gwen: (Gasps. Calling out to Duncan) sorry!! Duncan: (Calling back) no worries! (Confessional: Gwen) Gwen: I like kissing Duncan…. A lot. (Dreamily) like a whole lot, but with Courtney acting like she wants to set me on fire, the last thing I need is Sierra snapping pics of Duncan and me while we kiss! (Confessional Ends) (Duncan lands calmly in the water, snatches a key and dodges Fang's bite, leaping into the carriage just as Lightning gets out) Duncan: Let's roll! (Jo pushes the cart away just as Lindsay and Courtney arrive) Courtney: Hurry up; they're still ahead of us! Sierra: FOR CODY! (Leaps off the cliff) Yee-hah! (Lands in the water) Mike: (He and Zoey look down in concern) Oh, think she's ok? (Down in the water, Sierra punches and kicks the sharks effortlessly) Sierra: (Emerges from the water with a suspiciously Cody shaped key) Oh, I found one that looks like Cody! Courtney: (Glaring at Lindsay) Ugh, I don't know where you learned to push a- (Notices Sierra flying through the air squealing in delight) No, wait! (Sierra lands right on top of Courtney) Lindsay: (Struggles to pull the cart) So-ugh-heavy! Sierra: (Sheepishly) Sorry, I had a big breakfast. (Cut back to Jo pushing Duncan in the cart to the spa hotel) Jo: Listen up, short pants; I'm in charge. Get in my way, and I'll make your life a walking nightmare. Duncan: (Laughing) Trust me, I don't wanna be in charge, but feel free to knock yourself out trying. Jo: (Confused) Really? (They reach the spa hotel; Duncan’s key won’t fit) Duncan: No go, it's a dud! Jo: Way to pick the wrong key, Dud-can! Duncan: Ha, good one! Jo: (Confused) Thanks? (Confessional: Jo) Jo: (Smiling) Wow, finally someone who appreciates my killer zingers! (Confessional ends) (Sierra and Lindsay arrive at the spa hotel, the key doesn’t work) Sierra: Aw, Cody key's too small, back we go! (Courtney moans trying to get out of the cart, but Sierra leaps on her, crushing her again. Courtney moans again) Do you hear something? (Lindsay shrugs) (Cut back to the cliff, Mike is stretching) Zoey: (Points to Lindsay and Owen) Oh, there they are! (Lindsay still hanging on to the bar, she finally lets go and collapses into the sand) Zoey: (Kisses Mike on the cheek) Good luck! (Mike freezes up, and then backs up in a dazed state babbling, He backs up into Gwen, sending them both off the cliff) Gwen: (Re-emerges from the water, confronted by two sharks grimacing at her) Whoa, nice sharks! (Fang rises up behind her, Mike having hit his head) Duncan: (Gasps) Gwen! Ireland Rebel X: Hang on, Gwen! I'll save you! (Hits Ultimatrix) Ripjaws: Ripjaws! (Suddenly, a rock conks Fang on the nose) Zoey: (Spinning the medallion Mike gave her around like a slingshot) Sorry! (She then tosses three more rocks, knocking Fang out as well as the other two sharks) Mike: (Shouting up to Zoey) Thanks! (Heather, and Cameron look impressed; Lightning just scowls) Heather: (Impressed) Woah! Sam: Cool! Zoey: Well, after all the times he saved me, I owe him one! Gwen: (Leaps into Jo’s cart) Hurry! Jo: (Racing along) You think I don't know that? Gwen: Thanks, Ireland Rebel X! Ripjaws: No problem! (Reverts back to Ireland Rebel X) (Sierra helps Lindsay pull the cart) Sierra: It's all yours! Courtney: (Gasping, crawling out of the carriage) Wait! (Collapses on the sand) Sierra: (Confused) Hmm, so that's why it felt so lumpy. (At the spa hotel, Gwen’s key doesn’t fit) Gwen: Darn it! Jo: (Groans, slightly out of breath) how hard is it to pick the right key? Gwen: (Leaps into the carriage, annoyed) Guess you should have been a diver, huh. (As they leave, Mike passes them, pushing himself along with a stick, with Lindsay staggering behind, collapsing onto her knees) Mike: (Runs off screen, then runs back) No, back we go... (Uses the stick to move off-screen, Lindsay landing on her face) (Back at the cliff) Sam: Here goes! Heather: Finally! (Screams) (Underwater, Heather grabs a key and swims to the surface) Heather: (Jumps into the villains cart) Suckers! (Jo runs off, pulling Heather) (Back at the spa hotel, Jo is clearly getting winded from pushing the villains back and forth) Jo: I haven't been this tired since I ran that septathlon! Heather: (Running back, leaping into the cart) It doesn't fit! C’mon, let’s go! (Lindsay arrives in just as they leave, struggling to push Sam. She groans and comes to a stop, falling to her knees) (Confessional: Lindsay) Lindsay: I wanna win the million so I can spend it on a lifetime supply of lip gloss, or a romantic date with Taylor- er Tyler, but I forgot how hard this is! Never thought I'd say it, but no lip-gloss or date is worth this! (Confessional Ends) (Back at the cliff, Scott is clinging in fear to a rock, while Lightning try to pull him off, the robot placed right behind them) Duncan: It's your turn man. Scott: (Shrieking) No, you can't make me! Lightning: Oh yes I can! (Tugging harder) Courtney: (Points out Lindsay approaching) Here comes Lindsay! Mike: (Shoots Zoey a thumbs up) Good luck, not that you'll need it. (They both smile as Zoey dives off the cliff) Supergirl: Be careful, Mike! Duncan: You have to dive, it's you or the robot, and I'm pretty sure the robot isn't waterproof! Scott: (Shivering) Yeah, but it's sh-sh-shark proof! (Zoey confidently jumps in the cart, while Lindsay groans and pitifully pushes the cart) Chris: And the heroes take the lead for the first time in this challenge! Villains: DIVE! (At last, Lightning pull Scott free, but Noah knocks into the robot, pushing it back) (The robot rolls to the edge of the cliff but then stops. The robot beeps in what looks like it is saying “uh-oh,” then the edge of the cliff breaks, sending the robot falling off the cliff, bouncing off the rocks, the other contestants watching as it falls, cringing in sympathy as It lands in the water) Heather: (Smirking) So long and good riddance. (The robot sinks to the bottom; the sharks swarm at it, trying to bite it, but not leaving a dent. The robot sparks and sputters, the sharks backing away from it in fear, then it explodes, sending a familiar looking person inside flying into the sky. The camera pans up as the person reaches the top of their arc, revealing the person inside to be ALEJANDRO, albeit with a new 5o' clock shadow, longer hair, and tattered, stained clothes. He winks at the camera and grins. The rest of the contestants, except Dawn, Mike and Cameron, all gasp in shock, but Heather screams the loudest) Heather: You have got to be kidding me! (Confessional: Big Barda) Big Barda: (holding a picture of Alejandro) Told you! (Confessional: Platinum) Platinum: That's impossible! How did he survive? (Confessional: Alejandro) Alejandro: (Reclining, legs crossed) Last thing I remember, I was burned to a crisp by the volcano, and Chris sealed me up in that robot suit, to 'heal'. It feels so good to be free after all this time! I must thank Scott for his cowardice! (Confessional ends) (Alejandro lands perfectly on the beach, and snags a key just as it comes near him. He raises his eyebrows as the Villains yell words of approval. Suddenly his legs become wobbly, he falls over, causing all the others to cringe) (Confessional: Alejandro) Alejandro: I was stuck in that robot suit for 2 years! My legs are so asleep, it's like they're in a coma! (He lifts one leg and shakes it) Wakey, wakey! ...Nothing. (Confessional ends) (At the spa hotel, Zoey rushes back to Lindsay’s cart and jumps in, while Lindsay catches her breath) Zoey: Wrong key, so much for our lead. (At that moment, Jo enters again, this time pushing Alejandro) Lindsay: (Gasps) Jalapeño? When did you get here? (Jo carries Alejandro up the steps) Alejandro: Silly Lindsay, I was here the whole time! (He slips his key into the lock, and it opens the door) Finalmente! Jo: (Sighing in relief) finally! Chris: (Flies in on his jetpack) The door is open! The Vultures win! (Zoey and Lindsay groan) Mad Harriet: Welcome back, Alejandro. (Fade out, fade back to the island at night; then we cut to the campfire pit. The Heroes are all sitting on the logs, and surprisingly the villains in some bleachers right behind them with a peanut logo on the front. Chris of course is standing behind the barrel at the front) Chris: Welcome to the first elimination ceremony! How do you like the new peanut gallery, eh? Now the winners can watch the opponents give someone the boot before they head to the spa hotel for a deluxe dinner! (The villains high-five. But Gwen is walking up to an annoyed Courtney, hiding something behind her back) Gwen: Hey, even though I technically didn't do anything wrong... I'm sorry about the way the whole 'Duncan' thing went down. (Pulls out a bouquet of flowers from behind her back, smiling) here, I picked these just for you. (Courtney sneezes) Oh no, you're allergic? (Shrinks back keeping the flowers away from Courtney) Courtney: (Scowls) Told you, you were a villain! (Sneezes again) Chris: Before we start, I need one winner to volunteer for a special reward. Lightning: (Slides over to Chris) Ha, sha-Lightning! Chris: (Smirking) Great! Your reward is spending the night in exile on Boney Island with all the hungry wild animals! Lightning: Aw, how is that a reward? Chris: (Holding up a McLean Invincibility Statue) Because there's a McLean Invincibility Statue hidden somewhere on Boney Island! Find it, and you're golden. Scott: (Growls) Now he tells us. Chris: This year, you get to vote by placing an x on the 8x10 photo of the person you want to eliminate. (Pointing to the outhouse) Now, get voting. (Confessional: voting) (In the outhouse, Sam, Mike, Zoey, Cameron, and Sierra place X’s on the photos without revealing who is on the picture. Courtney publicly shows her drawing an X on Lindsay’s picture. Lindsay has a picture of Courtney, thinks for a second, then draws an X on her own face) (Voting ends) Chris: (Holding a tray of regular marshmallows) Okay, the following people are safe. (Flicks marshmallows at the named people) Cameron, Sierra, Zoey, Mike, (The marshmallow lands on his lap), and Sam. Lindsay, you're on the chopping block for your terrible driving skills. And Courtney, you're on the chopping block for making Lindsay drive. Lindsay: Yeah, what's the matter with you? Chris: And the loser is... (The camera focuses on the two back and forth for a couple tense seconds) Lindsay! (Tosses the last marshmallow to Courtney) Lindsay: (In relief) Thank goodness! Wait; do I have to ride that scary catapult thingie? Chris: (Grinning maliciously) Nope! This year, we've got a brand new elimination device! (We then cut to a giant toilet at the end of the Dock of Shame; Lindsay is sitting inside it, while Chris and the heroes stand in front of it) Chris: Behold, the Flush of Shame! -patent pending! Heroes: (Disgusted) Ewww! (Sierra takes a photo with her Smartphone) Lindsay: Well, see you guys. It's been- (Before she can finish, Chris pushes the button on a remote control, sending her flushing down the toilet. A wave of toilet water washes over everyone except Chris, who has an umbrella in his hands) Chris: (Giggles, tossing the umbrella aside) Who will be flushed into the history books next, find out when we return, on Connor Lacey's Super Adventures of Total Drama All-Stars! (End Credits) Category:Connor Lacey Category:Transcripts